I taught myself how to be a journalist 22 years ago, before the Internet in a coat closet in my home in Vista, CA.

Since then I've gone on to publish thousands of articles in newspapers all over the country including the New York Times. I've published three books. I never knew back when I was 40 and wondering what my lot in life was going to be. Then, my husband Ralph told me to quit my job, try to become a writer, and if I was published nationally in a year, then I was a writer. If not, maybe I should try something else.

Within six months I was published nationally, I went on to be Brenda Starr, we moved a lot, and had a lot of adventures, most of which I wrote about. He died suddenly in the summer of 2018. I'm still a writer.

That's the short version.

Here is my latest and maybe my last 3000-word article ( that's a different story) for this wonderful publication, the San Diego Reader.

https://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/2020/may/13/feature-vista-has-always-had-my-heart/

Thank you for reading, and thank you to my darling husband.

Day one of social distancing during the Coronavirus Outbreak

I read on Twitter today that when Shakespeare was quarantined because of the plague, he wrote King Lear.

Shakespeare blogging about food?

No pressure.

I have two grants and a 4000-word article to write by the end of the month and an idea for an op-ed piece for the LA Times. There is also a novel sitting in the wings that may or may not turn into a screenplay.

So, after nearly a year I decided to blog again. Procrastination at it's finest.

I was going to blog on my Laughing Matriarch site, but I can't get into the damn thing, so I shall blog on this site which was occasionally authored by my husband.

Cest la Vie.

Which brings me to today, Saturday 3/14/2020. After trying to get into three grocery stores for a few items, I gave up and came home to my new widow pad (is that a term?) and decided to make applesauce while watching the movie Julie/Julia on Netflix.

Making applesauce in my tiny kitchen.

This whole combination made me so happy. The apples had the Chelan sticker on them which reminded me of our life on the lake and my friend Tracy who taught me to make applesauce and apple butter. I purchased the knife at Culinary Apple on Main Street and kept thinking I was going to give it as a gift until Ralph fell in love with it.

My crockpot where the apples simmered is 25 years old and I've carried it with me from house to RV to house. (I can't find my two immersion blenders. Sis?) So it reminds me of my darling Ralph.

Ralph helping out in Chelan.

And the movie, of course, reminds me of Ralph as well, and Paris and cooking and everything that we loved together. And that I now love.

So day one of social distancing was filled with the aroma of apples wafting through my tiny apartment, Julia Child's (Meryl Streep) laugh and so many sweet memories.

Cooking while watching Julie/Julia

So far so good.

I'm Over the First Big Hump...

What hump?

 Sorry, I couln't resist. 

So, I somehow survived the six-month mark, but it wasn't easy. The damn grief wave snuck up behind me and tossed me to the floor.

 It was ugly, you didn't miss anything.
 


But guess what? The world didn't stop, my heart didn't forget to keep beating, and my kids made it through the day.

People might say, "Oh, six months, you should be fine now!"

I would say back to them, "You don't get to tell me how to grieve." Maybe not in those polite words exactly, but I would try my best.

But, good news; I am having longer bouts of happiness. I travel as much as I can. I work as much as I can. I love where and whom I live with, and I see friends (when they remember I am still here...) as much as I can.



My family has been rock-solid and have stood by me- even when I might not be the nicest/happiest person.

But hey, summer is coming, the grand-baby is growing and life, as they say...

The Wandering Widow- Day 28

The party's over.

Today is my last day on the road, and it's also the last day of my 'Weekend at Debbie's.'

It's going to take some time to process this month-long journey- traveling, discovering new places, people and ideas. My confidence is coming back and I can thank my husband for giving it to me in the first place- he was the 'King of confidence."

I know that he would be so proud of me for traveling down this road alone, although I had so many friends and family cheering me on that I wasn't really alone.

Thank you for following me down the road-although my journey isn't even close to being over.

 

The Wandering Widow- Day 27

I haven't laughed this much since August 2018. 

My trip is ending in Palm Springs with friends from 5th grade.

We spent all of Friday laughing and eating and drinking and laughing and it felt so damn good.

Ralph made me laugh every day. In fact, I have been told more than once by neighbors that we were not a noisy couple, but they could always hear me laughing. He made me laugh.

Now, my friends, my family, and my baby granddaughter will be the ones who make me laugh.

And myself. I laugh at myself all the time and I will continue to do so.

 In the meantime, I have one more night with these eclectic ladies, so if you hear us laughing, you are welcome.

 

The Wandering Widow- Day 26

Just the facts, ma'am.

Did you know… 800,000 people are widowed each year?

Did you know… 700,000 of those are women?

Did you know… The average age of widowhood is 55, and 75 percent of women will be widowed by age 56? 

I guess I am getting back into reporter mode with these statistics, but also because on Thursday I spent time with three lovely women- who all happen to be widows.

This is Joy, and her name suits her, and somehow she has remained as joyful and she could be after the death of her husband.

This gal I have known since she was three-years-old and we will always remain friends. (Even when politics get in the way.)

We met this lovely woman in Chelan, WA and Ralph helped her go through her husband's personal belongings when it was too difficult for her to do by herself. She has been an advisor to me since September.

Yet, it's not been an easy road for any of them.
 
 
Did you know… most widows lose 75% of their support base when their spouse dies?

 Did you know… after 3 – 4 months most of the remaining support fades for a widow?

These are the cold, hard facts. It's hard to even think this could happen to you, but if it does, know you will survive.

These women did. I did.

We are warriors. Do not f**k with us.

The Wandering Widow- Day 25

When in Sedona...

I had a massage with hot stones.

I hiked to spiritual vortexes- the powerful energy centers of the Southwest.

I hiked to a few awesome places to view massive red rocks that looked like penises sticking out of the mountains. (Just me?)

I had my chakras cleansed. (The jury is still out on that one. More like Chakra Conned.)

I bought a lot of salad at Whole Foods. (It's a phase.)

I talked to my new favorite psychic and my husband. ( Don't even question this one.) 

I relived memories of our time here in Walter (our RV)

when RR found a special place for us to sunbath nude...

When in Sedona.